Something I really struggle with is having fun when things aren’t going perfectly as planned. My version of how things should go always sounds like such a blast! so, when things start changing I get frustrated.
I feel like God has been trying to teach me to slow down and enjoy what’s in front of me, even when things don’t go as planned.
Honestly, it started with trying not to get upset when I would spill things. (I spill everything I touch so this was big)
it also started with little daily things, as in things I could handle.
But then, God started asking me to trust Him when big things didn’t go as planned:
like friendships, future plans, trips, Christmas plans, or things I was excited about going the way I wanted.
Honestly, on this Colorado trip, there were quite a few things that didn’t go the way I wanted.
I spilled lunch leftovers on my vintage wool coat and satin skirt moments before going to the museum (this outfit was literally planned weeks prior).
the exhibit I wanted to go to was then sold out.
this was frustrating, but I handled this well.
I carried the coat so both stains were covered and I found joy in the art I could see.
I also had this perfect vision of what my day at a ski resort would look like, but absolutely none of that happened.
this was the last day of the trip and I felt like I wasn’t having fun.
I wasn’t having fun because I had DECIDED the only way I could have fun is if everything went perfectly.
I think this happens to me a lot, especially around the holidays when the expectations are high and there are so many events.
I did not handle the resort day well. I got really upset at the end of the day. This also leads to me being upset that I was upset. the beginning of a spiral that results in me noticing absolutely everything that didn’t go as planned and it feels like too much.
I was able to work/cry through this.
I was able to pray through this moment and decide the next day would be better.
even though the next day I got snowed in at my parent’s house even though there was almost no snow in the mountains and it literally hadn’t snowed in Nebraska in what felt like months.
but whatever lol
this was obviously also a hard change in plans for me to deal with
I wanted to be home and I wanted to be home when I had planned to be.
often times this makes me feel childish, but no amount of guilt for feeling this way makes it magically go away.
It’s something I need to continue to hand over to God, daily.
Honestly, this doesn’t have a happy ending. I didn’t then all of a sudden have a blast. I had to work through it. I also don’t think I’m done working through it. Gods not done showing me how to be patient with myself.
But I think that’s okay. Because I noticed where I am at. I see now that this is something God wants me to let go of. I need to trust Him more when plans change. I need to lean on Jesus’ peace when the weight of the day is heavy.
So here’s to not having it all together but trusting that God won’t leave you where you’re at.
xoxo jasmyn lanae