Fishing for Memories
These last four years of my life I have had a tremendously hard time identifying myself. I didn't know what I was, where I was going, or why I was in this world. A lot of this confusion came from struggling to connect with the people around me. Whether it was family or friends, I just seemed to have a hard time finding my people.
For the last couple months things seemed to be coming together; I have been feeling so content with my surroundings. This trip to Montana definitely sealed the deal. Before, I felt like there was no one like me; I felt all alone. The truth is my people were all around me, I just couldn't see them.
While here in Montana, I stayed with my great uncle Darrel. On the third day of the trip my anxiety was at an all time high. I knew it was from riding in a car for two days and meeting a lot of people and starting back on my medicine and everything else in between, but I just couldn't shake it. After being at the lake for a couple hours, I just felt completely drained so Darrel kindly took me back to the house. The drive home was quiet and I couldn't wait to get back and go to sleep because I just felt miserable. Darrel baited me with snacks as soon as we inside, so I took a seat, then we got to talking.
We sat in those same chairs for the next three hours. We taking about everything from food we love to our own experiences with depression. We both laughed and we both cried. I told him about the things in my life which I just didn't know how to handle. He listened and gave me his wisest words. Reminding me not to worry about the opinions of others, to just live my best life. Teaching the importance of enjoying every moment you have with those that you love. After three hours I finally went to bed. That night I slept better than I had in weeks. I woke up the next day feeling so at peace. This fog that was filling my brain had cleared a little bit and it felt so refreshing.
My family and I went to my great aunt Silva’s the next day. She and her husband live in the cutest little cabin house with the most cohesive decor. Almost immediately Silva and I connected. We “fangirled” about all things art & photography or the first half an hour. This interaction also filled me with this crazy amount of peace and comfort.
I really think I’m going to leave Montana feeling so much more connected to my roots.
I don’t feel so alone anymore.
xoxo jasmyn lanae